Thursday, March 16, 2006

it is snowing outside...well, it snows and then it stops...if anyone ever read this i would probably wish they didn't.

Why is everything bringing back to a memory of some persons and incidents i would rather forget. I want to leave, I am in debt.

I want to find her, but without revealing her name and asking questions with a time I can not even call a missed opportunity. I think all of her madnesses are congragating into one madness.

One woamn, just a girl perhaps, did not see me, or talked silently to someone else, and touched her hand to her scarf, 'we wear pruple because'...because? would i ever wear any colour because, i don't know what colours are anymore, and i feel like crying. twice in a day in fact because of memories recent and old.

I can't write about her, because, there is a control, i make every mistake in the middle of every mistake. SHe will not come back again. I don't know if there should be a guilt and a worry for her, if she is breaking, like i break, screaming as i feel like i am about to die in the bath. Always ran to scream in the bath and it wasn't a war cry. MY hands feel as though they are floating, and i have neither you talk to in my confusion. I will have to repeat this twice. Tract, that was a word that comes to mind, but has an entire meaning that i do not know about.

I even have a guilt for her.

And this should be some occurance that should leave me happy, but has;

already left me.

Chance will not complete this. Plans will not become when my heart gets knocked about by a sudden inteference of noise.

I have to get on with 'appointments' and 'debts' tomorrow, and perhaps all of this will work out. And a stack of money left in an empty house.

I have kicked the television over, I have thrown my laundry basket around. I have smashed a plate on the floor.

I can't read anything, there is ONE book i need to find

and I can't.

2 Comments:

Blogger SIA said...

wow

6:55 PM  
Blogger SIA said...

By wow I mean WOW, that was awesome

6:56 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home